Tipping, Showers, and Invitations: The New Etiquette or Money Grabs?


My newspaper carrier puts a card in our paper every holiday season thanking us for subscribing, wishing us a Merry Christmas, and asking for a tip. At the bottom it reads, “Please tip your carrier. Checks for tips should be made out to, “Mr. Smith.” (Not his real name.) This appalls me because I was always taught that tips are to be neither expected nor asked for. Needless to say, I don’t tip. (Not only because he so blatantly asks for a tip, but because the service during the year isn’t worth it. When we go on vacation and ask to have the paper held and delivered when I return, he never does it. But I digress…)

There are expectations to tip everyone thes


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8 Responses to Tipping, Showers, and Invitations: The New Etiquette or Money Grabs?

  1. Melanie says:

    I totally agree with this article… except for ONE point. I think baby showers for subsequent babies are very important! Let me explain my position. I think ALL babies, not just “first” babies should be celebrated. Not that I think every new baby needs a ton of new “things” gifted for them, because that certainly isn’t true, especially if the babies are close together and/or same gender. That being said, I remember so clearly when I moved to a brand-new town when I was pregnant with my 2nd baby. My “new” church family kind of wanted to throw me a baby shower, but because it wasn’t my “first” I think the everybody wasn’t quite sure what to do. So they “told” me to come to this get-together, which turned out to be nothing more than a general church social and virtually no one even acknowledged the new baby. I was heartbroken. Not because I didn’t receive gifts, but because I don’t have any memories or pictures of a wonderful celebration to put into his baby book or talk to him about later. The SAME church did almost the exact same thing again for my next baby, except they did have a cake for me and a couple people gave me gifts. Finally, on my 4th baby, a girlfriend of mine decided that SHE personally would throw me a shower. SHE threw her heart and soul into making a beautiful, themed party for all the girls (no old men, finally!)and we celebrated and played games and passed that baby around and made wonderful memories. Yes, I got gifts. No, I did not ask for any or register or even worry about whether anyone couldn’t give. I wanted that moment for the fellowship and social aspects. I finally got it. I treasure that memory! I wish every baby could be properly celebrated with a sweet, fun party, with gifts as gravy, but not the substance or purpose of the get-together.

  2. OfeliaTConejo says:

    Oh, please, give me a break! You need a gift membership to Planned Parenthood.

  3. Unfortunately, weddings have become so expensive that gifts are pretty much expected to ever-so-slightly offset the cost of the wedding. At minimum I think the bride and groom hope that gifts and cash would offset the food for the guests.

  4. Amy says:

    Well said!

  5. getforfree says:

    If a person has 4 kids, it doesn’ mean that they were unplanned.

  6. zarmaxia says:

    My frustration is related to the 20% expected restaurant tipping. Many times this is placed on your bill without consent. I tip related to service rendered. I have no objection tipping 20% if the service was superb. My problem with this “new” tipping rule is, when did it become the consumer’s responsibility to increase the wages of people who work for tips? With the price of food going up every day, shouldn’t the restaurant owners have that responsibility, like factory owners or store operators? Perhaps things will change if more people stop eating out?

  7. Gailete says:

    My favorite hate about tips is the tip jar on counters where you have to stand in line, order an over priced brownie or cup of coffe and they expect a tip–for what?

    A couple I know just got married and I appreciated what they enclosed in their reception invitation. They got married in Alaska and came home at Christmas for a reception, but had to be bold and ask in the invite that if you wanted to give them a gift to please mail it to their new home as they would not be able to carry extra things with them on the plane home. Very logical of them and they also mentioned an on line place where they had registered, so that any gift could be sent straight to them without having to pay extra for shipping. I appreciated their upfrontness (is that a word) about a ticklish situation, but I didn’t perceive the invite as a request for gifts only that if you did want to gift them, this is the easiest way.

    At this point even getting a note of where a couple is registered, I don’t mind so much so at least you can see the sorts of things that they like, but to get a gift registery ‘list’ that is four items long plus gift cards is ridiculous! And yes I got one of those!!!

    As to the other commenter about baby showers, I’ve had trouble with baby and wedding showers for a long time now. They used to be a nice social get together with nice small presents such as towels, aprons, potholders, little things. Now when people get $100 and up presents, those of us that don’t have budgets like that, our presents look stupid and ho hum. But I have noticed that those that could afford to buy all their presents themselves get tons of them, but those that don’t have much in the first place generally don’t have friends that can give much either so they don’t get as nice a start as their richer friends.

  8. abhpyl says:

    In India, especially in the Western regions, a trend has grown stronger over more than a decade – please request explicitly in their wedding invites that guests should not bring any gifts. I like that trend.

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