Financial Excuses: Can’t vs Won’t


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I see many people ask for financial advice, both on the Internet and in real life. When the advice is given, the person will often say, “But I can’t do that,” in response. This happens particularly when it’s advice they don’t like. Just recently I read a post where the person was asking for advice about how to save for a house when it seemed like all of their money was going elsewhere. When the other posters started offering the standard advice to cut or reduce cable, stop eating out, stop spending on hobbies or other “fun” things, get a second job, etc., the poster fired back by saying, “I can’t,” to every single suggestion.

“I can’t cut cable. That’s our only form of entertainment.”

“I can’t stop eating out because we have such hectic schedules.”

“We can’t stop spending on our hobbies because they’re important to us.”

“I can’t use store brands because they’re all gross.”

“I can’t cut down on my clothes purchases because I need lots of clothes for work.”

“I can’t get a second job because I’m already so tired from the first job.”

Not being a terribly patient person at times, I wrote back and said, “Then you can’t have a house. If you’re spending everything you make and there’s nothing left to save, you’re never going to get that down-payment. The money has to come from somewhere and if you ‘can’t’ do anything to cut expenses or get extra income, then there’s never going to be a house.”

Well, the poster wasn’t thrilled with me and whined some more about how she just can’t do anything about her situation. The thread finally died because everyone else got tired of the whining and the refusal to consider helpful advice or see the difference between wants vs needs.

The whole thread really pointed out the difference between “can’t” and “won’t.” “Can’t” means that you literally cannot do something. Whether it’s because it’s impossible or beyond your ability, you are unable to do the task. “Won’t” means that you will not do something. You can, but you choose not to for whatever reason.

When it comes to finance, there is very little that most people literally cannot do. Maybe you truly cannot buy that $100,000 boat today, but you probably can cut cable. It’s not like the cable company is going to come kill you if you cut them and it’s not like you can’t find some other way to occupy your time or your kids’ without it. Therefore, you can cut cable. If you choose not to for whatever reason, it’s not because you can’t, but because you won’t.

It’s the same for many other excuses. You can stop eating out because there are plenty of alternatives (learn to cook, make meals in advance, learn some no-cook recipes, or just make a sandwich). If you choose not to, it’s not that you can’t, it’s because you won’t. And on and on for everything from out of control hobby spending to getting a second job. You can do it, but you probably don’t want to.

People throw out “can’t” when they really mean “won’t.” It lets them off the hook. “Well, if I can’t do those things, it’s not my fault and I can still be a victim and blame everyone else for my situation.” Saying, “I can do that, but I won’t,” puts the responsibility on them. Now their financial trouble is their fault because they wouldn’t do what they needed to do. That’s not a fun place to be, so it’s easier to say, “I can’t” and trot out the excuses.

The next time you catch yourself saying, “I can’t,” stop and think. Can you literally not do this financial task? Or is it more like you won’t do it? If it’s the latter, ask yourself why. Is it too hard? Too scary? Too inconvenient? Figure out the problem and then find a way around it. Sometimes there’s nothing wrong with “won’t” as long as you’re aware that it means things might not change. It’s okay not to cut your expenses, but you have to understand that it means things will stay as they are. If that’s the way you want them to be, then refusing to do things is fine. But if you want to change things, you have to stop saying, “can’t” and “won’t” and change to “I can and I will.”

(Photo courtesy of cooper.gary)


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July 23rd, 2012
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Comment Number:
1
Written by:
jay
Posted on:
July 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Amen! In a similar vein:
want vs need (in many historically less affluent societies, there is only the one word)
fact vs opinion (used this dozens of times to calm arguments between my kids)

Personal opinion is the confusion comes from an misguided sense of entitlement.

Comment Number:
2
Written by:
Tenessa
Posted on:
July 23, 2012 at 1:33 pm

You’ve nailed the problem, but I think a lot of people need help taking action on the solution. There is a big gulf between simply saying, “I can and I will” and actually living life differently. For some, a simple call to the cable company actually represents a terrifying disruption in daily life. Exactly HOW will they and their kids occupy those extra hours? And the payoff may not seem substantial enough to meet their financial goals. If you’re coming up $1,000 short, a mere $100 in savings can be discouraging rather than motivating.

This is a tremendous area of frustration for me. I can scale my budget up and down at will, but so many of my friends are paralyzed by debt and despair. When they say “I can’t,” I really hear them saying, “It won’t work.”

Comment Number:
3
Written by:
minny
Posted on:
July 25, 2012 at 3:17 am

There seems to be so much ‘leakage’ in people’s spending. Those monthly payments that don’t seem much individually. Mobile phone contracts, gym membership, cable television, DVD rentals where so many a month by subscription, loan payments and credit card payments.

There was a time before all of these things, when people read books, listened to the radio and the free television channels and had cheap hobbies.

I am fascinated by the eating out being quicker than making a basic meal at home. One has to get there, sit down, order, wait and then eat. How is that quicker than putting pasta in boiling water and making a quick sauce and a salad. Even using ready made sauce in a jar and bagged salad it has to be cheaper as well as quicker!

You hear it here in the UK. Young people complaining they can’t save the deposit for a house. They have all of these leakages and we have an unfortunate culture with young people binge drinking and lots of money goes on that. Drives me mad with frustration as well Tenessa.

Comment Number:
4
Written by:
Gail
Posted on:
July 28, 2012 at 3:55 pm

People that didn’t grow up poor, I think, have a much harder time being frugal as well as they have never seen ways of getting along without stuff. Some that grew up poor and refuse to live that way again even if it means living above their means also have trouble since they are fighting the ghost of poverty every step of the way. In our society where most people read at most one book a year (I can’t even fathom that as I read so much) it is odd to think that no one would have any entertainment if they cut out cable. Cut out that cable and read instead and you will be impressed how much smarter you are at the end of the year. Even blind people can get books on tape or CD now so if you can’t read, there is still a way to fill your mind. Cut out that cable and play board games with your kids, make needed repairs to the house, clean out the garage, attic and basement and have a yard sale to help bulk up your savings account. Cut out the cable and you will have more time to COOK dinner–what a notion!LOL

It is sad to see so many that have no clue how to cut back because they think they need everything they have. Think back only 10-15 years ago and most people didn’t have cell phones, many still didn’t have computers, I-pods and tablets weren’t around at all, but the minute they roll off the assembly line there is created by media a NEED for these things. I was watching a TV show a month or so ago and a commercial came on for a new product to deal with a problem that could easily be handled and could be handled for free, but they were peddling something to buy for the problem. Haven’t seen the commercial since so maybe others also realized this was a truly not needed item! Finally some common sense!

What I find hard, is when you really have cut out pretty much everything and still have trouble making ends meet. Things have been tight for us for awhile now and to top it all off hubby (with no insurance) had to be admitted to the hospital this week. He is home now and doing fine, but how do you even attack the oncoming bills when you are already scrapping the bottom of the barrel so to speak? At least I know the difference between wants and needs as we crunch the budget again. Thank God though, the one doctor scrounged up a months supply of meds that he has to take for a month from her drug rep. One of the paybacks for reminding the doctors and nurses each time something is suggested that you truly have no way to pay the bill!