I wanted to elope – total cost $500ish (+ lots more for a fantastic trip..)

He wanted a wedding.. grrr. So I compromised and planned a wedding (because he wasn’t going to plan the wedding he wanted lol)

There were a few things we cut right out (bridesmaids, rehearsal dinners, wedding invitaions (we emailed) etc. and there were a few things we splurged on. My dress (it made my mom cry when I put it on, so it must be the right one), and catering. We supported a caterer that only buys organic food locally grown – so yes it was EXPENSIVE, but my meat eating friends had lentils and LIKED them, and my cousin’s son ate GREEN vegetables for the first time . All told our wedding costs came to 23,000$, and about 15,000$ of that was food. But since we paid for it in cash (no debt in this relationship), and have already bought our house (mortage free in 3 years), I don’t really know what else we would’ve spent that money on. I guess I learned, that at some point you can afford to splurge on what you truly value, as long as it’s done consciously and deliberately. It’s amazing to be at that point. Your hard work can and will pay off.

Then we got invited to his coworker’s wedding. I have to say it was soooo beautiful. Huge cathedral (not a church) by the ocean, choirs singing, piano and string section, and the ceremony had like 450 people! The dinner was held at a private clubhouse right next to the ocean. (you walk out of the dinner room, and the beach is right there.) The food itself wasn’t as fancy as I thought it should be, but the venue was beautiful, they had a 9 person live band playing, free open bar with h’or douvres and the cake was a 5 tier affair. When I asked later how much their wedding was, they told me it cost the families (both pitched in) $150,000.00 !!!

Yes, you read that right. $150,000.00 just to save face and show how much $$$$$ you have. Actually it was very beautiful, but to be honest, I couldn’t see where the money was spent on. Apparently their parents could afford it, kudos to them.

Having that as an example 6 months before our wedding was a big wakeup call for me. We were lucky that we had not yet put down any deposit anywhere. This is what we paid for our wedding:

- marriage license $50.00
- marriage ceremony at courthouse $50.00
- wedding invitations I created printed $40.00
- my embroidered cream suit (on sale at Neiman Marcus) $250.00
- hubby’s suit he got on sale $200.00
- photos (aunt took photos as wedding gift) $0.00
- chauffeur (brother in law drove us as his wedding gift) $0.0
- wedding cake $120.00
- champagne, and Martinelli’s apple cider $150.00
- my wedding bouquet $100.00
- thank you cards that I created & printed $40.00
- Ferrero Rocher chocolates as party favors $70.00
- our wedding rings (18K gold bands) & engagement ring (diamond & sapphire) $1800.00
Final total = $2870.00

The courthouse can’t accomodate too many people so it’s family only, then we had champagne and cake at his family’s, and our friends threw us a potluck celebration a few days later. I thought it had a lot of meaning and it was really really wonderful. I didn’t have to invite people I didn’t want to, and having our friends throw us the dinner made it more affordable for them. I didn’t want to put my friends in a financial bind of having them pay for bridesmaid dresses/shoes/doing hair & nails that they only wear once. Especially when some of them have lost jobs, have their bonuses cut, etc.

A lot of young women these days don’t know that what they see on TV isn’t real, nor gospel. Many parents don’t want to deny their baby girl the best on her wedding day. But so many of them divorce, and then they still have to pay for years for that “glorious day”.

Besides, when we make a ton of money, we can always have a glorious feast later at our anniversaries. The extra money that we were going to spend on our wedding went towards our house payment. House = security, moment of glory = flash in the pan. I hope this is helpful to you readers who are considering marriage.

When we started making wedding plans, the bill surpassed $50,000.

I told her there is no way we’re going into debt over this.

She refused to back down (her AND her mother, I might add).

I called off the engagement and ran like hell.

Best choice I ever made!

DH and I do marriage prep with our church and the tag line is “A wedding is a day, a MARRIAGE is a lifetime!” These over the top weddings are a result of little girls who cut their teeth on “Disney Princesses” meeting a reality TV culture, with easy credit thrown in. Too often the pricetag on the “day” is in inverse proportion to the length and happiness of the marriage!.

And your poor buddy….wait another few years. When she gets pregnant, she will HAVE to have an SUV to keep baby safe, a house in the suburbs (I mean, who can fit a family of three into that 1600 sf condo?) and all of those cute $200 baby shoes that the kid will wear for 12 minutes…

Second, I agree with you about going completely overboard with a wedding. As someone who just got married a few months ago can attest, it’s really easy to get caught up in the excitement of creating “the perfect day.” Luckily for me though, my wife and I sat down and decided what was really important to us about our day and what wasn’t. Top on the list of important things? A good photographer, a good location, and good beer. Not so important? Expensive frilly crap like decorations, a super fancy limo, or over the top dinner. We picked what we liked, budgeted accordingly, and come out with no debt.

Cheers to that!

I figure he’d better have a really long list of synonyms for ‘beautiful’ to stoke his lady’s self esteem at least four times a day. I genuinely hope the marriage lasts longer than it takes to pay off the debt incurred.

Beer Guy, your friend needs to prepare for bankrupcy and or divorce as soon as he or she loses their job, or when he refuses to go into anymore joint debt.

If you are rich, or famous, or a child of the rich or famous, then by all means, have a million dollar wedding. The economy needs your money.

If you’ve saved up $45,000.00 for your wedding, then, woohoo, spend it! Brag to everyone that you’re not going into debt for your wedding, and how hard you worked to save that cash. You might even decide you worked too hard just to blow it all on impressing/pleasing your wedding guests and put some toward your future.

If your parents are willing to contribute $10,000 each toward a $20,000 wedding, thank them profusely and spend it wisely. Where I live, $20,000 is a downpayment on a house.

Oh, by the way, no amount of money guarantees perfection. You will still hear complaints from guests who were unhappy about something at your wedding.

Guys, be reasonable. Give her a budget that is 10-15% below what you are comfortable paying, then get out of her way and let her do it. The 10-15% gives you a little wiggle room to look like the good guy when she finds that perfect dress, or wants to fly in her orphaned friend from halfway around the world. Think about her… (but take care of yourself!)