The Best Financial Advice Ever Given

My uncle recently passed away. This would not normally be something that I would share with others, but he also gave me the best financial advice I have ever received. This is advice I would like to share with you so that you can share it with your children. There is no question that he had a way with words that could deeply impact the mind of a 13 year old boy.

“Do you like money?” my uncle asked one day when we were by ourselves at a family reunion.

“Yes,” I replied with a grin on my face.

“Do you want to have money or be poor?” he questioned.

“I want to have money,” I stated with conviction.

“I will give you the secret, but you have to promise to follow it,” he said in almost a whisper as if he were really giving me the ultimate secret to becoming rich.

“I promise,” I whispered back.

“Are you sure?” he questioned. “It’s a big responsibility that most people can’t handle.”

“I promise. I swear. Really,” I said hoping that he would tell me the secret.

“OK, this is it. Listen very carefully and never forget to follow this rule. If you ever decide to stick your dick into a girl, make sure that you have a condom on it. If you don’t, you are going to be poor because you are going to get the girl pregnant and all your money will go to raising the kid. And that is the lucky scenario. If you are unlucky, not only will she get pregnant, you are going to get some nasty disease that will grow all sorts of leaking sores all over you dick and you will have doctors shoving something up it every few months to treat it. The only way to prevent this from happening is wearing a condom every time you have sex. No exceptions.”

My uncle was a beer guy. He told things like he saw them. I like to think that he saw a bit of me in him. Much of my family considered him too undiplomatic to listen to what he said. I think they just didn’t like hearing the truth, but I digress. What I do know is that for all his unvarnished language, the words he said and the way he said it had an impact.

My parents told me about the birds and the bees. My school had sex education classes that explained about how things worked. I’m sure that I heard countless times that if I was going to have sex, I should use a condom. The funny thing is that all through my life, any time I was in a position to have sex it was always my uncle’s words which came to mind, and the words continued to have a deep enough impact that I actually listened to them and wore a condom.

I have come to see the financial wisdom of the advice that my uncle gave me. More than a few of my friends got their girlfriends pregnant in high school and have ended up paying the financial consequences of doing so. They struggle to pay their bills and make ends meet. They have no savings. They don’t have money.

So I raise a beer to my late uncle. I thank him for the sound advice that I should never stick my dick into a woman without wearing a condom if I want to have money. Thanks to him, I didn’t get any of my girlfriends pregnant, I have avoided all sexually transmitted diseases and I actually do have a few dollars in the bank. With results like that, I consider that some pretty damn good financial advice.

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