Comments on: Going Into Debt to Have Kids

By: wj

wj — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 18:18:52 +0000

I had to comment because my husband and I have spent $45,000 so far on failed IVF cycles. We plan to spend $5,000 more very soon. We’re lucky that we didn’t have debt. Instead we drained our down payment fund and will probably not own a house ever.

However, not being able to have children is killing us. You have no idea until you go through this so please don’t judge. I’m depressed and can barely make it through the day sometimes.

A friend of mine was able to have 2 kids naturally but was barely able to support one. Luckily for her, society and government provides a lot of financial assistance. Those who are infertile do not have such luck. Is it ‘fair’ that she had kids without even considering how she and her husband could support them? The answer in that case is that taxpayers help support her choice.

By: Jackie

Jackie — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:04:25 +0000

My mom says that if you wait until you can afford to have kids, then you’ll never have kids. However, I think there’s a big difference between having a little bit of debt or a lessor paying job, and having tens of thousands of dollars of debt and planning to add $10-100,000 dollars on top of it to try to get pregnant.

I would counsel that couple to try to pay down some debt and build savings first too. That doesn’t mean I think it’s an easy decision emotionally, but they’re already one layoff away from possible bankruptcy.

Additionally, I witnessed the end of an aunt’s marriage due in part to this same situation. My aunt and uncle lived beyond their means anyway, then made the decision to start fertility treatments. They tried again and again. No, I would not be the one to take away that hope, but they put themselves in deep, deep debt. Eventually, they divorced and this situation (money, treatments, blame each other and themselves for failing to conceive, etc) was largely to blame.

I think each situation is unique and yes, despite all of the emotion, it does merit at least trying to look at some things as emotionlessly as possible. You need to be realistic about where you are now and where you might be in the future. I say this from experience. I’m 31 and I want kids in the next few years, but I’ve already been told I would probably have trouble conceiving. It’s my nature, but I like to think of the endgame – if i can’t conceive, how many fertility treatments (if any) do I think I should try before moving on to adoption (I have always wanted to adopt)? Is one enough? And I’m fully aware that I might change my mind at the time, so I’m also planning on if I decide to push it more.

Maybe it’s easier for me to think of these financial considerations because I’ve already had to think of the possiblity that I won’t be able to carry a baby – it’s not a surprise during the highly emotional time that comes once you decide to start trying.

By: Journey

Journey — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 19:07:42 +0000

I’d be shocked if the writer of this article has children. Seems backwards to weigh out and put numbers above children? Maybe I’m misguided however……..and I was fully debt free before having kids. Did that help? Probably, but it wasn’t the end all of solutions. Just a thought…….if everyone waited until the “perfect financial” time to have kids, how many less kids and people on earth would there be……

By: Swap Savers

Swap Savers — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:06:36 +0000

This is a really difficult situation. I think I would look for another solution such as a fund raiser through their church to help with the costs of adoption. Or if they are doing fertility treatment try to negotiate the cost (some doctors will negotiate especially if your insurance will not cover it). Personally I would try to figure out a way to raise the money first since kids also cost a lot of money.

By: kat

kat — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:24:47 +0000

It is a tough one and and easier answer if you have kids already and/or don’t want kids. I agree that its not easy to take the emotion out of it- If you love kids and love the idea of family. The writers should also understand that in some states adoption can be very expensive too. Foster parenting is an option but might not be the same. All that said this is such a great country – incredible leaders and talented artists have emerged from circumstances that seem so improbable or impossible because the family foundation was there. the caller could be the mother to raise such a child. I understand the position on having a level mind and the challenges out there on leaning too heavily on social services, but sometimes someone who is that passionate about having kids is probably passionate enough to make whatever personal sacrifices it takes to build preserve a family and raise a happy healthy child.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:21:26 +0000

I wonder whether you or any of your commenters have experienced infertility. If you haven’t been through it personally, it’s impossible to understand. Some people can just say, “Oh, I won’t have kids,” and be ok with it. But it’s not that easy for others. It’s simple to write, “Take the emotion out of it,” but for some of us that’s simply not possible. Luckily, we did not end up having to go into debt before we were successful in conceiving, but many of our friends have, and to them, the debt was very much worth it.

By: Diane

Diane — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 04:48:14 +0000

This is a tough one. I think it depends on the age of the couple.

My first thought would be to pay down the debt some and start an emergency fund first, if at all possible. (Not expecting to pay all of the debt, but at least make a start.)

Additionally, I’d say consider going the adoption route, as it would likely be less expensive & risky than fertility treatments, which have no guarantee.

I have 2 sons, born when I was 30 & 35, so I totally value having kids, but finances are a harsh reality of life and kids are very costly.

If you can’t pay down debt & live within your means before having kids it will be a lot more difficult after having them…

By: Financial Samurai

Financial Samurai — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 04:35:43 +0000

Tough call, but NO, I wouldn’t incur debt for kids. The kids are gonna have a rough time if you’re having a rough time.

It baffles me that some don’t make so much, and still decide to have plenty of kids. Bad recipe.

By: Denise T

Denise T — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 02:21:32 +0000

There are no guarantees even the new outlay of cash will result in a baby. In vitro doesn’t always work. international adoptions don’t always work.

At what point do we as individuals accept that we will be childless? It is Ok.

My hubby and I discussed this before trying to have children, and decided that even though it would be sad, if it wasn’t meant to happen for us, it isn’t meant to happen for us.

The world is already full of people and we can love our friends’ and relatives’ children in the absence of our own.

By: Paula

Paula — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 23:30:32 +0000

This is a tough decision for a lot of people. I agree with a few of the others about trying to save or pay down debt before having child/ren, but that’s not always possible.

Having said that, my husband and I had our son when we were in our early 30′s. Growing older has a way of making you decide fairly quickly if you want children or not. In our case, we saved an emergency fund and did not have any debt. When our son was born, we did everything we could to save money on stuff that wasn’t necessary for us.

Now, we are in our late 30′s and have decided not to have another child. Yes, money does play a role here in our decision as we both work full time and don’t make a lot of money (and now have a small amount of debt incurred as well). Also, our son has special needs which is another factor.