Comments on: When the Poverty Mindset Threatens Family and Fun

By: Family Finances

Family Finances — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 16:06:34 +0000

I think the main idea is to find that balance between frugality and rational spending. Let’s not forget that money is not the goal itself, it’s just the instrument to make our dreams come true.

By: rochelle

rochelle — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 08:04:14 +0000

This is a sad example of how a person has allowed money to become their idol.
It’s biblical, I’ll pray for her and hope she can overcome this terrible obsession. I think your family should pray for her too, but we may also have to consider her age? There just may be a lot of psychological problems here too. In all your message is a good one to those who maybe just like your relative. Hopefully if that person should read this or get a copy from someone they will recognize themselves and make a change in their attitude too.

By: Gail

Gail — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 21:38:28 +0000

There are several currents running here, and the one I am interested in is why it seems so important to other family members that when a relative claims to be too poor, that the others feel the need to chip in for them when they are aware that the relative has the money to go or do whatever is costing the money. Why the expectation that all family members have to join in? What is wrong with basically saying “Aunt Sally we would love to have you with us for such and such but we understand if you can’t afford to come.”

Why does the family continue to keep paying for this relative and putting up with the whining? There is no reasons not to invite them for the occassion, but if they don’t want to pay to come, the others shouldn’t be paying for them. If they continue to pay for the relative, they have no cause for complaining as no one was holding a gun to their head and making them pay.

I do think that if your relative truly has the assets you think they do, they do have some mental health issues. As long as they are taking care of themselves properly it isn’t anyone else’s business. Now if they were skin and bones and wearing ratty clothing with the utilites being shut off, someone has to step in.

By: Carol

Carol — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 02:40:37 +0000

I think you are right, this borders on some type of psychological disorder. To people like your relative, money means something other than just a way to acquire things. It’s sad because they will probably die with tons of cash…that someone else will get to spend and enjoy!

Here in my home state, a 93 year old man froze to death because his utilities were shut-off for non-payment. Come to find out he had an estate worth over a half-million dollars and he left it all to a local hospital.

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:47:03 +0000

When did you meet my grandma? And how are we related?

Seriously, you described my grandma to a tee. I think her sense of financial insecurity comes from living through the depression in Oklahoma. She grew up very, very poor, and she has never been able to shake that mindset.

By: Texas Girl

Texas Girl — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:36:31 +0000

How funny; we bought our last house from an old lady like that. The house was CRAMMED full of canned goods and empty margarine tubs ~ she never threw anything away ~ but no central air, and nothing worked because she ‘couldn’t afford to fix it.’ She died with over $1,000,000 in the bank, and I got a great deal on a fixer-upper….and took many dumpsters-full of her old junk to the city dump.

By: tynana

tynana — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:15:56 +0000

My grandmother who is 101 year old is the same way. She has over 50K in stocks. Lots of money in the bank yet will not spend any money on things that would enrich her life. She will spend money at resale shops on junk that other people neither want or need but depends on her children to help her pay utility bills and buy groceries. She is also a horder so has enough food stuffs to last for months. We all wish she would spend some of her money for central heat and air for her home, redo her bathroom to make it easier for her to shower but it’s like talking to a brick wall.

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 13:37:30 +0000

Or she’s a “depression baby”. My parents were born in the Depression, and an entire generation grew up afraid they would one day go to bed hungry again … Although I doubt she’s old enough to have been born then, you make no mention of her age. Yes, the situation is sad. I also have a brother for whom money and saving it at the expense of another is more important than people. Just don’t become a victim of them.

By: Texas Girl

Texas Girl — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:57:36 +0000

Some people just worship money. She would probably be mortified if you were to suggest that to her, but when you worship money you just can’t bear to let go of a penny. Clearly she values money more than the relationships in her life. Sad.

By: Monroe on a Budget » Jennifer Derrick: When poverty mindset threatens relationships

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 13:38:37 +0000

[...] Jennifer Derrick has this post at the Personal Finance Advice blog: When the poverty mindset threatens family and fun. [...]