Comments on: When Invitations Become Money Grabs

By: Jennifer-Lee

Jennifer-Lee — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 02:56:59 +0000

Wow. I think this is really a cultural issue? I actually asked a lot of people around my age (i.e. under 30) and they said they find nothing wrong with asking for certain gifts in the invitation. In fact, they would rather this happened so they that don’t waste money buying something generic, and that if they were the ones throwing the party, they would rather have $10 than a $10 gift with no thought put into it. And I agree.

I had a friend who recently requested that she just wants people to show up and that’s enough of a present for her, but if they really wanted to give gifts, monetary gifts would be appreciated. And once again, I find nothing wrong with this! She’s pretty much saying ‘hey, what I really want is for you guys to be here! But if you REALLY feel like giving me a present I want, this is what it is’

Times have changed. It’s not like people ask for money everyday. And the people who have requested money in their invites are doing it for a reason! Isn’t the best present to help them out?

I’m Samoan (polynesian) and this whole money in the invite thing is not a big deal, especially if you’re requesting politely and not demanding.

By: Sam

Sam — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 15:47:53 +0000

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with gift registries for weddings, baby showers, etc. It lets you know what the couple or expectant parents need and I find them helpful. You simply go to the store and pick out something on the list and buy it and you’re done. It also prevents duplicating gifts because whatever is bought off the registry is marked off (or supposed to be) so the next person who comes in won’t buy the same thing. But, that said, it’s not carved in stone that you have to buy something off the gift registry. If you can’t afford any of the items on the registry or just prefer to do your own thing then just buy them a gift, whatever you can do, include a gift receipt and if it’s something they don’t want or need they can be responsible for taking it back and exchanging it. I only buy for people that I know well, are good friends or close family members. Getting invitations from people who are only acquaintances or people I barely know go straight to the trash can. And believe me, I have gotten quite a few of these types! A couple of years ago I threw away an invitation to a wedding for my husband’s cousin’s daughter whom we didn’t even know and had never met. Just because it’s family doesn’t necessarily mean it’s someone you are close to and this was a good example. We never heard from these people unless they wanted something, bridal or baby shower. As for this “going away to college party” deal that’s ridiculous. If you have already given the high school graduate a gift then that should be the end of it. What’s really tacky to me is telling people (not requesting) that we want money as a gift for any party. At my house that kind of junk would go straight to the trash can also. I don’t personally believe in having baby showers for second or consecutive babies either but I’ve gotten a few invitations for those as well. I didn’t have a shower for my second child but the people I was close to who knew I was expecting did buy gifts for my second child as well. Bottom line, if people want to give something they well. But why make people feel obligated to do so? If you want to give, then give and if you don’t or can’t then just don’t worry about it, don’t worry about what people will think and don’t stress out over it.

By: ami

ami — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 00:46:07 +0000

I have to agree with Des (post 18), while I eloped to the courthouse (and thus had no registry or invites) I do appreciated knowing what someone wants for their wedding.

Nicole I think that’s great! It shows that you aren’t being greedy, quite the opposite really.

By: Gail

Gail — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 13:53:58 +0000

Nicole, certainly no problem with that. If people ask you what you want and you ask for donations towards a charity that is near and dear to your heart that can’t be a problem. Problems come in when people go and solicite gifts, or try for multiple wedding, baby showers, etc. just to collect as much money as possible. Most of us understand that weddings and baby showers, etc. a gift is expected, but in this day and age it has gotten out of hand and some people are hitting up the same ‘friends’ over and over again to line their own pockets.

In your case, a very nice thing you did! No need to feel bad.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:06:20 +0000

Hi I dont know if this is in the mentioned. But do you think that I have done wrong? Let me explain.

A few years back I lost a very close friend. She died from breast cancer. Later on I had a party and everyone wanted to know what to get me. ( I am a hard person to buy for since i dont want alot)
I asked for contributions to help find a cure.

Was I wrong? I feel bad now?

This is an actual concern not me being a sarcastic jerk.

By: chrissy

chrissy — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:08:14 +0000

I am loving this web site and am glad that there are people with some sense. My bf’s family does BIG HUGE EXTRAVAGANT gifts. We get expensive shoes, fragrances, jewellery, electronics and lots of them. His sister, who is in college, in debt, and can barely afford any gifts spends hundreds of dollars on christmas gifts for each kid. My bf and I took a stand. We got everyone a little something – ONE toy for each child (and by no means expensive – but educational and fun), socks and scarves for the adults cos’ it gets cold in the winter. We save our money and gave cash to the other less well-to-do family members – a single dad with 3 kids, of which one is ill and has spent money on medical bills.

By: Why I Force My Kids to Contribute to Birthday Party Gifts - SavingAdvice.com Blog

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 08:12:19 +0000

[...] of cost and in terms of the number of Saturday afternoons that we would have to spend going to parties that seemed to be the

By: Rush

Rush — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 09:47:44 +0000

I agree with this article 100%.

But, in my experience I have faced the exact opposite problem.

I am of Indian extraction and in our culture we do not hold parties and then expect people to pay for their own meals. So, when I have my annual birthday party, I always foot the bill for everyone. I used to make no mention of that but people get embarrassed on the day if I haven’t mentioned it in advance so now I say, casually, ‘its on me’.

In most cases when I was living in Sydney, people come happily (and I only ever invited people I had genuine relationships with) people came empty handed and not even brought me a birthday card. I am not a materialistic person and I couldn’t even tell you want I want for Christmas but it surprised me a little that I was not considered special enough to even think of for a birthday card. Most people happily came and then didn’t even bring a card and many of these people didn’t reciprocate the invitation when it was their party a few months later.

I have never, ever included requests for presents or registries or any such thing, far too tacky!

For weddings of people who are a bit older and have many possessions I can see the sense in giving cash rather than toasters and towels that they already have but, again, I would never ask for that.

Since leacing Sydney, I have met much more genuine people and such stinginess and mean-spiritedness has not been a problem.

By: How Being Anti-Social Saves Me Money - SavingAdvice.com Blog

How Being Anti-Social Saves Me Money - SavingAdvice.com Blog — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:01:47 +0000

[...] couple of months ago, Jennifer Derrick contributed an excellent article When Invitations Become Money Grabs. That article resonated with many readers and there was a lot of fruitful discussion on the [...]

By: MamawW

MamawW — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:19:27 +0000

I don’t know which made me the maddest an invite to a cousins third wedding when I never received a thank you for the present for number one or two. or a neighbor’s invite to her daughters wedding that was grown and gone before we moved into the neighborhood so I didn’t know she existed.