Personal Finance

Paris Hilton Works Harder Than You Do

Paris Hilton CD

I hate Paris Hilton. I hate her a lot more than I did a few hours ago. I can thank my sister for that.

My sister, to put it bluntly, is a royal pain in the butt. This is a feeling that many siblings share, but I can guarantee that my sister is much more annoying than yours because for all her rants and idiotic sermons on how I’m ruining my life, the truth is that she is always right. Nothing can make you more pissed off at a sibling than for them to always be correct.

My sister often stops by my place unannounced. I’m not sure if she does this to make sure that I haven’t morphed into the couch (good – because if I have, I won’t be able to get up and get beer from the fridge) or just to annoy the hell out of me (bad – and likely the real reason she stops by). This is exactly what she did as I was watching the Olympics.

She walked in and flopped down next to me on the couch with an armful of gossip magazines in her arms. Completely ignoring me, she began to leaf through them.

“Why do you insist on reading that crap?” I ask.

“Why do you insist on watching that crap?” she shot back without even lifting her head from the magazine. “At least reading this is more productive than sitting on my butt all day drinking beer and watching TV.”

“That’s debatable,” I said, feeling that I may have a winning hand in this argument. “Look at the crap you’re reading. Paris Hilton. Like that can be compared to the Olympics. Paris is a lazy, silver spoon ditz that everyone in the world hates with a passion.”

“Well, if you think that Paris is a lazy ditz, then how do you rate yourself?” she asked, finally raising her head from the magazine to look me straight in the eye.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.

“Tell me exactly what you have accomplished in your life? Paris Hilton is younger than you, she has her own company, she has made a movie, she has recorded a song, she has had a hit TV show and she is highly paid to go to events. That ‘Lazy Ditz’ has worked 1000 times harder than you ever have,” she said matter of factly and then went back to reading her magazine.

“But she was born rich,” I protested. “She had all the advantages…”

“Which proves that she didn’t have to do any of the things she has accomplished if she hadn’t wanted to. She doesn’t have to do a thing and she still works harder than you,” she said while still reading her magazine as if this argument wasn’t even worth her time. “Can you name one thing that you have done better than her?”

“I’ve been to jail longer,” I said with a sly grin.

“Exactly,” she said. “My point has been proven.”

This left me with a choice to make. I could continue to be a couch potato and have to listen to my sister remind me how Paris Hilton is more productive than I am every time she comes over, or I could use this as motivation to change my ways and be productive. I decided to use it as motivation to become more productive.

When my sister left, I got up off the couch, picked up the pile of magazines my sister had left and tore out all the photos of Paris. I then headed down into the basement with Paris photos in one hand and my beer in the other. I tacked up the Paris photos to the dart board and started throwing darts as hard as I could at her face for the next hour as I slowly sipped my beer and contemplated how I could be more productive.

I don’t know if this actually helped me to think more about my life and what I want to accomplish, but it sure felt good to take out some frustration. And it got me off the couch. Baby steps. You always have to start with baby steps.

Image courtesy of Alex CD

30 thoughts on “Paris Hilton Works Harder Than You Do

  1. Thinking about this a bit, I have to consider that Paris Hilton works harder than I do as well. I can already tell this is going to be a terrible week.

  2. Your sister has only proven that Paris Hilton has more notable accomplishments than you – not that she works harder. She is right that she doesn’t have to work but that she chooses to doesn’t make her work automatically harder. You were correct to point out that as a wealthy person she can accomplish more than you can. As far as starting her company, she can hire another company to all the dirty work – she just has to tell them what she wants the company to do. If you start a company, then you have to do all the accounting yourself, find office space, etc because you can’t afford to pay someone else to do it. For you to start a TV show you need to spend lots of time networking and gradually build your resume to get noticed. Paris already has those contacts. I’m not saying that she’s unremarkeable but I wouldn’t be surprised if she works far less than the typical American. Remember that those things also appear even more significant to you because you imagine doing those things while also paying the bills. She only worries about the doing aspect.

  3. That’s really a nasty thought to bring to all of us that work hard just to get by. I hope you threw the darts extra hard!

  4. sad, but true. being rich opens doors, but it’s what you do with the opportunities you are given. I give her props for her business acumen. She has capitalized on her assets (ahem) as much as she can. We all should try to do that.

  5. Hehehe, what an entertaining read.

    Gotta love sibling rivalry. Mine still exists to this day.

    I don’t deny that your sister has point, but let’s consider what Uri has written.

    You’re talking about somebody who WANTS to be famous, and was willing to spend as much of daddy’s money as was necessary to get it.

    Did she work? Yes, she did. Hence your sister’s point. However, does she have to work as hard as the average Joe? No.

    Most of us would have to claw up the hard way, be it a business, movie, or a recording contract. I really, really doubt Paris had to worry about all that. With enough money, you can hire enough hands to do most of the work for you. The rest is just showing up and putting your stamp, face, or voice on it.

    If Paris did all this for the sake of purpose and accomplishment, I would have applauded her for it. However, I get the feeling the only reason why Paris did all this was so she would be recognized like other celebrities.

    That said, man, put down the beer, get off your duff, and don’t let Paris beat you!

  6. Simple way to solve this: no more Paris Hilton, no more feeling like that little blonde ditz is working harder than you.

    Ah, no more Paris Hilton, that would solve so many of the world’s problems: the stagnancy of so many magazines, the constant fear of a return of “The Simple Life,” the annoyance of having to see her pop up every couple of months in some media outlet or other, and, of course, the fear that one day, when I have children, she’ll still be popular enough to be considered a role model (shudder).

    There’s quite a difference between work and accomplishment. Many people manage accomplishment with very little work, and nearly everyone else works constantly and receives little to no reward for it.

  7. I feel perfectly fine knowing that Paris Hilton is a much more accomplished underground internet porn star than I will EVER be.

  8. Next time, don’t let her derail you. You let her compare Paris Hilton to you personally when you were trying to compare her to Olympic athletes.

  9. Excellent Post!!!

    I didn’t think it was possible for me to dislike Paris Hilton any more that I already did. But thanks to your sister’s comment, I now despise her even more.

    I also think less of my lazy ass too.

  10. Didn’t she get famous because of a sex tape? I don’t think we had really heard of her before that. If that is called “working hard”, well…I better not end that statement.

  11. Hahaha…OK, I really enjoyed this post. Half true and half not. The only thing that makes Paris look as if she is working hard is the fact that she has several personal assistant. Unfortunately the majority of hardworking (not necessarily smart working) Americans are without personal assistants.

  12. I have this funny feeling you don’t have a girlfriend, beer guy. Who wants a couch potato who works less than Paris Hilton? One with a beer gut no less…. 😛

    I’m siding with your sister on this one.

  13. Im Paris Hilton’s #1 Fan and every 1 thinks shes just this spoilt little rich girl but she isn’t really yes she may be rich but that doesn’t mean shes some skanky hoe. you cant judge her because shes rich or because she has a lot of jobs. i mean Paris Hilton is put under so much Presser being a celebrity. And she probably does work harder then most of us. well if u don’t except Paris then you are a BIG FAT HATER!!!!!!!!! And i am her biggest fan in the whole world and i do not except people gossiping about her and spreading rumors around because i am like her fanatic and people say how can u like her shes a slut but i dont think she is and that my opinion and i hav hundreds of Paris hilton things. thank you 4 listening. That’s hot.

  14. Well yeah, true. She works harder. Considering she’s rich already, which is her advantage, thus she works harder to get RICHER. She’s got a pretty face and hot bod to flaunt attract attention and hook guys. She uses herself as a walking advertisement. In business brandnames are essential, and she got the advantage of being a Hilton, but she made her own trademark of being “Paris” not just a “Hilton” (including her reputation the media shows). But consider this, I think she’s the most famous Hilton. I think she’s smart enought to use her advantages very well like playing her cards right. Everyone has individual strengths, some people just don’t see’em and dont know how to play their cards and end up whining about shit happening to them

  15. You, my friend must be strange…..
    Paris Hilton is one of the sexiest blondes that have ever graced a cover of a magazine. With her beauty and her knockout body she can be a ditz if she wants to , or anything else her heart desires. Wakeup friend, her beauty is more than skin deep.

  16. ”Paris is a lazy, silver spoon ditz that everyone in the world hates with a passion” Yeah, if everyone in the world is an inferior, pathetic, white man who can’t accept the fact that a beautiful sexy woman can also be talented and successful, and run companies that generat more money in a day than you will ever earn in your entire life.

    As for that sex tape comment on is understandable that the male population is oblivious to women who are not in some sort of porn, but, to the rest of us, she was famous before that.

    Throwing darts at picturesof Paris Hilton will not make her go away, make her any less beautiful or successful, and is only degrading you further (if that’s possible) into a more jealous, pathetic male. It won’t help you get laid, either.

    I suggest you man up and do something productive with your time instead of trying to bring down brilliant ambitious women, because you attitude is UGLY.

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