Never Buy Candy Out Of Bins

candy bins

I would rather go to the dentist and get a root canal before going to the grocery store, but sometimes there are major emergencies, such as running low on beer, that necessitate a trip.

The other week I had one of these emergencies. The plan was to go in, grab the beer and get out as soon as possible. The plan failed miserably.

I had the beer in hand and should have headed straight for the check-out counter, but the devil spoke in my ear and asked, “Wouldn’t it be nice to get some nuts to go along with that beer?”

I headed to the aisle where you can scoop candy or nuts out of bins. Everything appeared to be going well. I found the beer nuts that I wanted and it seemed that I would be able to get them and escape without any problems. I was half way filling my bag when I noticed the kid.

He was at the opposite end of the aisle making his way toward me by opening up a bin, sticking his hand in, grabbing a handful of whatever candy happens to be in that bin, taking it out and shoving it into his mouth at which point he opens up the next candy bin — rinse, wash, repeat.

At this point I’m thinking I should just ignore the entire situation and get the hell out of there because nothing good is going to come from me watching this kid and thinking about how he is sticking his hand into his mouth and then back into the bins again. At that moment, the kid lets out a tremendous sneeze.

Even from a distance I could see the yellow, gooey mucous stream out his nose as it hung on the edge of his lip. He took his hand and wiped it from his face and in another swift motion, onto the pants he was wearing. He’d obviously had much practice at this. Then it was back to sticking his hands into the candy bins as he continued his quest to contaminate every single one of them.

I look at my half filled bag of beer nuts and decide that they really didn’t seem nearly as appetizing as they did a few minutes before. I decided to dump the half filled bag back into the bin and chalk the entire incident up to experience and one more reason why it’s never good to go shopping at the grocery store. As I was doing this, I hear an angry mother telling the kid to stop eating all the candy.

The mother came down the aisle and tells the kid to pick just one type of candy. He chooses chocolate covered malt balls and she begins to fill the bag. At this point I have already abandoned my bid to get beer nuts and I know that a quick retreat with my beer will be in my best interest, but I fail to yield to common sense.

Furthermore, failing to follow common sense to retreat, I know what I should do is yell at the mother for letting her child run around the store unsupervised and eating whatever he damn well pleases while putting his slobbery, snotty hands into all of the bins. Common sense failed to win the day once, so why should it be any different the second time? Instead, I try to be civil in this situation. (Note to self: being civil is highly overrated)

“Excuse me,” I say. “You know that your kid has been been sticking his hands into all the candy bins for the last 5 minutes and taking out handfuls.”

The lady gives me one of those “well, who the hell do you think you are?” snobbish looks, face contorted to make it known that even speaking to me is well below her level. She places her hands on her hips and says, “You obviously don’t have kids. Look, the supermarket knows that kids do this and expects it. It’s not a big deal.”

Walk away, walk away, walk away I can hear my brain pleading. Take the beer, get out of the store and enjoy the rest of the afternoon. Chalk it up to another reason that I should never venture into a grocery store and learn from the lesson. But of course, I can’t leave it alone.

The fact that both the kid and the mom think it’s okay to take candy out of the bins and eat it without paying for it bothers me, but the fact that the kid was doing it with filthy hands was even more of a concern. “I don’t think it’s as much an issue of him eating the candy as that it’s unsanitary,” I say, trying to remain civil.

The woman glares at me. “He’s just a kid. Get over it,” she says and turns back to scooping out more chocolate covered malt balls.

At this point I realize that there is only one thing I can do short of hitting this lady upside the head to knock some sense into her.

“I understand,” I say, sticking my finger up my nose and begin digging away. The lady looks at me like I’m nuts as she takes a step back. After digging for a few seconds, I grab the plastic bag of chocolate covered malt balls that she is holding, stick my recently prospecting finger into it and even swirl it around a bit just for fun.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” she screams. “That’s disgusting!”

“My point exactly,” I say handing her back the bag of chocolate covered malt balls as I walk away.

It is situations like this that make me wonder why anyone would choose to go shopping over having their groceries delivered to their home? There are many reasons I choose to have my groceries delivered (I get free delivery in my area, no impulse purchases, it saves me time and no gas costs to name a few), but I would be lying if I didn’t say that avoiding people like this woman and her son rank quite high on that list.

Oh, and the next time you feel the urge to buy candy or nuts out of those bins, don’t forget to think about all the kids’ hands that have recently been in there. That should save you a buck or two.

Related Reading: Am I the only one that realizes that having my groceries delivered makes financial sense?

Image courtesy of Sabine01

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15 Responses to Never Buy Candy Out Of Bins

  1. ben says:

    Adults do this all the time too. I think they call it “grazing” – it’s why I never buy anything that isn’t pre wrapped.

  2. Dan says:

    That’s disgusting, and absolutely AWESOME at the same time…nice job! haha

  3. Jay Gatsby says:

    Can’t say that I believe you actually did that, but it makes for a nice story. Even if true, you didn’t teach the woman anything. If she truly gave a crap, she would have prevented her child from doing his disgusting routine in the first place.

    Next time (if there is one), I would report the child to the store management. The store manager could then ban the woman and her child from the store (which he probably wouldn’t out of fear of a backlash, but he COULD do it if he so desired). Alternatively, you could send a letter to the grocery store customer service office, with a CC to the local health department.

  4. consumer_q says:

    The stores I buy from have gravity fed dispensers without any bin; place bag beneath, pull lever to get the goodies. I imagine they were installed for the very reason explained in article.

    If you want a few other grocery-related “nevers”:
    Never eat from unattended samples at the grocery store
    Never drink soda/beer from a can unless you wash the top first
    Never cut into a block of cheese until you wash the wrapper first
    Never watch people prepare your food if you ever want to eat out of your home again.


  5. Amy says:

    Dude, that is sooooo awesome!
    I would have loved to have seen the look on that stupid, disgusting breeder hag’s face when you handed her back Bratley’s choice of candy after dippin your finger in it!

  6. sillyoleme says:

    I agree that what the kid was doing was gross… and the mother’s reaction was less than responsible.

    But for an adult to pick his nose and stick it in her bag? That didn’t solve anything, it only made her less likely to think about anything you had said before. If you did actually do that, it was stupid.

    I agree with previous posters… you should have reported it to store mangement or the health department, then you would have been acting responsibly and getting the problem solved.

  7. SaveForHouse says:

    Beer Guy, it’s really great what you did, and I hope it taught the mother a lesson. This type of behavior (the mother’s) is so sad, and unfortunately very typical these days. So many people have complete disregard for others and carry themselves with a “I’m more important than you and everything else” type attitude. I’d be willing to bet money that the mother also drives a gas guzzling SUV while talking the cell phone the entire time.

  8. Sam says:

    Ok the mother is mean. But the way you respond is worst*laughs*. Anyway, I will probably run away as soon as possible if ever I encounter that situation. Just had an anger management class and that was their number 1 rule hahahah!

    Fix My Personal Finance

  9. Lisa says:

    Hooray for you! I stand back in envy wishing I had the nerve to do the same thing. But, FYI, the lady was still clueless about her own kid.

  10. Deirdre says:

    Your actions were so disgusting that I’m surprised the mother didn’t call the store manager on YOU. If you don’t want the damn nuts, then don’t eat them and walk away!

  11. karen says:

    Wow, that is the most Zorro-y thing I have heard in a while.

    (That’s not a compliment.)

  12. Susan says:

    I have never laughed so hard or felt so nauseated while reading this story, so you did your job and got our attention. Thanks for the hilarity. Please note that I’ll be eating my home-cooked, sterilized food through the the air-tight opening in my new Bubble Girl Helmet.

  13. Minerva says:

    So I imagine she took your booger infested bag of candy and poured it back into the bin. It makes for a funny story but I think it would have accomplished more if you had told her you were going to report her and her kid to the manager for theft and contaminating the food.

    It bothers me that you didn’t say anything. If you had, the manager could have removed the contaminated food. So innocent people came along after and took those nuts or candy unaware of what went on.

    The woman was being a jerk but I wish you had not acted in kind and had been a little more responsible. Also I doubt you taught her any kind of lesson.

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  15. dai-jah says:

    lol. your awsome

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