How I Failed the Champagne Girl Dating Test

Champagne girls

Beer guys shouldn’t date girls.

The party was out of my league. For the champagne girl, it was likely beneath her. Even though I knew this, I still approached her and struck up a conversation. In retrospect, I should have seen the car wreck coming 100 miles away, but there is something about beer guys like me not being able to resist champagne girls. I left with her phone number and a date for the next week.

The problem with dating a champagne girl is that I always feel that I have to move up to her level, but since that level is usually way out of my financial league, I pretend by moving up a few levels closer than where I really am. This just makes the disaster all the more complete because I assume that since I’ve made an effort, the champagne girl will also make the effort and meet me half way and lower her level. It never happens. Champagne girls don’t compromise like that.

I should have just taken her to the local Chilis. She would have hated it, but she would have hated it for a whole lot less money. Instead, I picked a nice restaurant several levels above where I would normally go to.

It was obvious that she wasn’t impressed with my restaurant choice from the start. I saw the signs, and I should have just called it off right then and there. Instead, we ordered. She picked the most expensive appetizer to be followed by the most expensive entree on the menu. She crinkled her face when I ordered a wine that didn’t come to three figures even though it was worth enough cases of beer to last me several months.

When the appetizer arrived, she didn’t touch it. She continued with smalltalk and I noticed that she hadn’t touched her wine as well. When the waiter arrived with the main dish to see the appetizer hadn’t been touched, you could see the look of concern on his face:

“Is everything all right?” he questioned.

“Yes, perfect,” she smiled. “I’m finished, thank you,” and handed him the untouched plate to take back and throw away.

The main meal progressed the same way. She chatted lightly but the food never left the plate. The waiter raised his eyebrow again at the untouched plate. “Is there something wrong with the meal?” he questioned again.

“No, everything was wonderful. I’m finished, thank you,” she said indicating he could take her plate away.

That’s when I couldn’t hold it back any longer and said, “could you please wrap the meal so we can take it home.”

You would have thought I was clubbing baby seals right in front of her from the look she shot at me. “No, there is no need for that,” she said back to the waiter.

“Yes, there is a need for that,” I said. “We’d like it to go.” Her look indicated that I was not only clubbing baby seals, but also chopping off the feet of baby bunny rabbits to make good luck charms.

“No, that really won’t be necessary,” she said in a firm voice.

“Oh, yes it will be,” I replied. “If she doesn’t want it, then I will eat it. Thank you.”

As the waiter left, champagne girl was not at all happy with me. “That was my meal. If you insist on taking that meal out of this restaurant, then this date is over,” she stated as if this was even an issue at this point.

“I think that has already been well established,” I said. When the waiter returned with the meal, champagne girl said she wanted to be taken home right away.

“You can leave anytime you want. I’m sure the front desk can get you a taxi.”

Champagne girl stuttered. “But I don’t have any money on me.”

I pushed her wrapped meal in front of her. “Well, then you may want to eat this so you have enough energy to walk home” I said and left.

I later learned that I failed the champagne girl money test. Apparently, one way that champagne girls determine whether you have enough money to date them is to order the most expensive meal on the menu and not touch it. If the guy makes any mention about it, then he doesn’t have enough money to date them. Lesson learned.

Over the years, I’ve learned that I’m a beer guy and realizing that has saved me a ton of money. I’d love to be suave and have a ton of money so that I could sweep champagne girls off their feet, but I know that even if I do become wealthy in the future, I’ll still be a beer guy. It took a long time, but I’ve realized trying to be something I’m not is a great way for me to spend a lot of money achieving nothing. I can accept who I am even if it isn’t the perfect TV image I’d like and this has allowed me to conquer one of the most expensive habits that I ever had — trying to make myself appear better in other people’s eyes than I really am.

Now if you know a champagne girl that enjoys BBQ wings and beer, let me know so I can get her my number.

Beer Guy is finally getting his finances in order after spending far too much money chasing champagne girls over the last few years.

(Photo courtesy of Tom Williamson)

This entry was posted in Personal Finance, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to How I Failed the Champagne Girl Dating Test

  1. Wow, Beer Guy – I commend you for totally screwing her over. I would’ve done the same thing. That’s a really bitch move, and she got what she deserved.

    P.S. It wasn’t her meal – you were paying, end of story.

  2. ben says:

    Rudeness is not acceptable no matter how much money you have. I feel sorry for the person that this woman finally ends up with.

    Your point of understanding who you are is one that I don’t often see emphasized much with personal finances, but it’s one worth remembering. It really can save you a lot of money.

  3. scfr says:

    As a hetero female, I can say that I would not want to have “Champagne Girl” as a friend, so I can totally understand why a guy would not want to date her.

    Save yourself the misery by next time just asking a girl out specifically to the type of restaurant you like to eat at. If she turns you down, that will mean more money for an extra order of hot wings for you.

  4. Trevor says:

    Do you think you taught her a lesson? I am dubious. She probably got some other sucker to pick her up and give her a ride home after throwing your money (food) in the garbage.

    World keeps turning.

  5. bob says:

    That was not a Champagne Girl, that was a gold digging slut.
    A real Champagne Girl is comfortable wherever and whenever she is out. She has no need to humiliate anyone for any reason because she is above it.
    Real girls are like real guys; fun to be with in any circumstance.
    Good luck in the future.

  6. cak says:

    So why the hell would you want to go out with this chick? There are plenty of great “beer girls”. I can’t believe that after all that, you still want a “champagne girl”?? WTF

  7. t says:

    Thankfully, I have not been out with anyone that bad. Co-worker of mine has mentioned several of his dates where the woman is only cared about what he can provide for her. Thankfully, I haven’t been on many of those dates either. I have been dating women on both ends of the economic scale with respect to me. Personally, I find it harder to date some of these hardcore career women (business oriented types). They tend to lack gratefulness, sincerity, and femininity I am looking for.

  8. April says:

    I would be willing to wager that Beer Guy doesn’t like slumming it with Beer Girls. Too low class for him, yet he is too cheap to pay for the gold digging sluts he would prefer to be sleeping with.

  9. Princessperky says:

    What on earth is a champagne girl?

    Though I did giggle at the story, I still don’t know what one is.

    (I hope not just a girl who doesn’t like beer?)

  10. consumer_q says:

    I do not understand, did you recognize that your actions were as equally shallow as her’s, or are you putting it all on her?

    It sort of comes across that you learnt that trying be a 30K millionaire will come back to bite your poseur hand, but I am not really sure.

  11. redshirt says:

    I’m a “champagne guy” and I can tell you this, a TRUE “champagne girl” would never do something like this. She is a low-class “wanna-be champagne girl” that is trying to move up the ladder.

  12. Paul R. Potts says:

    Forget the champagne/beer thing, any woman who things that it is acceptable behavior to waste food would immediately fail _my_ screening criteria!

  13. Broken Arrow says:

    OH WOW! That is by far the most entertaining article I’ve read on here!

    Beer Guy, sorry to hear what happened to you.

    I hate to say this, but I get this funny feeling that somewhere in a different part of the world, a certain Champaign Girl is talking about how some Beer Guy failed her test. Certainly, it wasn’t HER fault somehow.

    In fact, I can’t imagine a woman literally physically attractive enough for me to put up with that kind of crap. And believe, I can imagine quite a bit, and still no luck.

    Women who care only about money is a a waste of time, not just money. Dude, if you’re ever in my part of the town, I’ll buy you a beer.

  14. Hank says:

    Never pay for first dates, unless it’s for activities that you really enjoy and really want to share. Would you pay a guy’s way whom you just met? Instead opt for “coffee dates” or walks in the park, parties, free concerts, etc. Women dig your personality, not your wallet. A cool first “date” is to invite her along while you shop for yourself. Most women love to pick out clothes for guys…

  15. getwhatyadeserve says:

    As a female I do not support this test at all.

    However, you need to get your priorities in order. Why would you want to date people who think they’re worth more than what they are? It’s doomed to failure no matter what. Find someone who is down to earth and isn’t completely manipulative. It’s beyond my understanding why anybody would seek out someone like her.

    I like the finer things in life, but I’m also quite able to adapt. If you seek rigidity, expect the same out of your future wife, in all aspects.

  16. cptacek says:

    HA! That was an awesome story! And good for you for telling her to find her own way home.

  17. Guinness says:

    I believe I and many other good men out there would have given you a standing ovation at the moment you decided to take her food home since you payed for it. It’s food. It’s not a damn status symbol. I guess I can’t hope the uh champagne girl is cast into the wilds of Alaska to fight for her survival, but if she had to kill what she ate with her bare hands because she was starving, maybe she’d have better manners on dates. You should have quickly taken her to some insane punk rock show in some hole in the wall bar where people spit beer on the crowd. She would have found what she was really missing all her life. I bet she would have loved the Motards, of Austin, in the great state of Texas, whose lead singer would throw beer bottles into the walls.

    I guess it’s obvious that if I was on a date with a girl like that I would be up to something and it would become a circus. I’m one of those people who will make satire and parody out of social situations.

    She’s just waiting for me to turn her life upside down.

    Give me her number.

  18. Great post! I agree with others here- her behavior is completely inappropriate for anyone of any taste or social strata. Food is food and money is money. It doesn’t matter how much you paid, you earned that and she essentially put it through a paper shredder.

    Looks like some people think you were being immature for making her walk… personally, I would have done the same. You should probably just find a vodka on the rocks girl. That’d be better.

  19. cak says:

    Wow, people really hate women here, don’t they.

    Sure what she did was a crappy thing for her to do. But on the other hand, she knows what sort of guy she wants, one that isn’t afraid of spending money on her. There are plenty of guys like that too. She had the decency to let you know her rules on the first date, rather than string you along.

  20. aeko says:

    It would be interesting to hear from others that walked into bad situations with their eyes wide open.

  21. Broken Arrow says:

    cak, if I may, it’s not so much that CG doesn’t know what she wants. It’s how she went about it in the execution.

    A true CG, in my opinion, would still have been able to handle herself gracefully, without causing too much of a scene, even in light of what she would deem as a dating disaster.

    Of course, the author also readily admits that, in retrospect, he shouldn’t have bothered with someone like that to begin with. But then, we wouldn’t have this entertaining article to read about.

    There are plenty of women that I admire and respect. However, if I had billions in my pocket, there’s no way I’d put up with women as superficial as that.

  22. b says:

    I don’t like the fact that something died for her dinner and she wasted it. This is a very shallow and bold women pushing her way to hell.

  23. ad says:

    Well, you knew she was “out of your league” and had different lifestyle preferences than you did, and you asked her out anyway – so how is this all her fault?

    Seems to me that there were two people playing games here.

    People can call her a slut all they want (and what a sexist, irrelevant thing to say) but she was up front about what she wanted, whereas you pretended to be something you weren’t – presumably in hopes of getting laid. Perhaps her game was a defense against guys who play your game, eh?

    Sounds like ya both needed to learn a lesson in direct and above-board communication, regardless of what you’re drinking.

  24. Gail says:

    Very funny yet sad story. Sad because there are many young ladies longing for a guy to ask them out anywhere that would be happy to eat out with him. Leave those CG type girls alone and find the shy quiet type. You may be in for a big surprise.

    I can’t believe anyone would go to a restaurant and order the most expensive items and not even touch them and then get ticked off when you want to take a doggy bag home. Insane world we live in.

  25. Gail says:

    I also should have mentioned that when she said she didn’t have any money is the point where you were supposed to tell her that you forgot your wallet or somehow let her know that you were expecting HER to pay for the meal. I would never go out on a date (in the days when I did that) without money to pay my own way if necessary.

  26. Chadd says:

    Hey Beer Guy,

    I will go out with you and you can buy me a Big Mac, fries, and a soda.
    Call me!
    P.S.~Princessperky is a bubblehead!

  27. Jennifer says:

    See – this is what is so funny to me. I’m married so thank god I’m not into the dating scene any more. But…so many guys go for the glitzy “champagne” girl. They are inticed by the way they dress, act, etc. But then they don’t want to acknowledge that a large percent (not all, but a large number) of girls who act and dress like that ACTUALLY act and dress like that because they are shallow and have nothing better to devote their time, money, and energy to.

    Yet those same guys often critique all girls and say WE are distracted by “shiny things” (like jewelry). Guys can be just as distracted by “shiny” girls…so don’t judge us!

    And in any case, you may want to check out the beer girls that are around you. They may not always come in “shiny” packages, but they are often the “diamond in the rough”.

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  29. dejj says:

    redshirt is right, her behaviour was not very well-conditioned.
    But you did a good thing not calling the date off early — it sure was an interesting experience wasn’t it.

    I recommend you turn around the situation in the first place. Select a restaurant at the end of a mountain trail or seaside _after_ the surf. Well at least for me, I’d need my Gf to be able to withstand these things anyway, so no reason to start out slow.

  30. strawberry says:

    i am one of those chicks, that u can take anywhere. i dontlike beer but takeme to a bad ass taco joint thenthe lake after and i am good. but i am always a lady, no matter wherei am or what i amdoing, i can change a flat tire without breakin a nail.

  31. Dave says:

    Great story! A good cautionary tale. You didn’t have a date, you were simply being interviewed, and you flunked every test, just as I would have. 🙂

    It’s easy to forget that when trying to just go out with someone and have a good time.

    This is the kind of vetting procedure that was codified in The Rules, I think the book was called. And I am instinctively repulsed by this type of woman, as I know that they detest me based on my lack of independent wealth, whatever my other merits may be.

    Dating can be a war, and you won this round. Congrats!

  32. jvlthreee says:

    I think this story is a little made up you can clearly see through the bcrap. Interesting story but the truth is sometimes way more interesting. Also it’s kind of a tool bag move on the guy to try and be something you’re not. This girl might have been a bitch but you didn’t make matters better by being fake. You did one of the stupidest things you can do on a first date as a male which is take yourself out of your element.

  33. Jimmy says:

    Interesting story. Thinking about it, I would hope that in a similar situation, I would talk with the girl about the situation rather than confront it with the brute force you described.

    It’s one thing to toss a date off but it’s another to preface a relationship (no matter how short) with this level of candor. Engaging someone in this manner says as much about how you will solve your problems in future relationships as it does about the shallowness “Champagne Girl” demonstrated.

  34. CTW says:

    Great post man, I’m glad you said that to her because she needs to realize that in a relationship she is not the only one that needs to be respected.

  35. Jane says:

    you’re never going to find what you want as long as you divide women (or men) into “beer” and “champagne”. you weren’t honest with yourself, and got what you deserved, or maybe expected.

    good luck!

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  37. Michelle says:

    Heh, found your amusing article through Stumble Upon.

    I’m a champagne girl but the only difference is that I’ll eat the food with gusto! 🙂

  38. Andrew says:

    Wow…this really just strengthens my resolve against the superficiality of society.

    It makes me feel sick just knowing someone is this shallow…and that is no figure of speech. My stomach is actually turning right now!

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