Am I Supposed to Feel Guilty?

should I feel guilty?

We are friends with a couple I’ll call the Joneses. The Joneses are exactly what they sound like. They are the ones on the block with the latest cars, toys, and gizmos. Despite that, they are nice people and we’ve been friends for years. Each year we go on vacation together to a small resort in the mountains. This year we are going but the Joneses are not.

When I called Mrs. Jones to make arrangements, she hemmed and hawed about how things were so busy this year and things were crazy with the kids, and one kid needed to do summer school, and on and on down the list of excuses. I said, “Fine. I understand. We’ll make plans without you, then.”

About two hours la


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16 Responses to Am I Supposed to Feel Guilty?

  1. greenday says:

    I hate when people make you feel guilty and it goes both ways. They make you feel guilty when you are trying to save money and so you prefer not to do the expensive things they are doing and then when they can no longer do those things and you decide to treat yourself after being responsible, they make you feel guilty for being able to go when they can’t.

  2. A very topical post.

    The other difficult situation is dealing with people (friends, relatives or colleagues) who have lost their jobs or their homes during a financial downturn. It’s not easy.

  3. doug says:

    I don’t feel guilty in the least bit, because I told them this was going to happen and none of them believed me. They decided to play a risky game and they lost. They thought I was stupid for being conservative and making a large downpayment instead of one of those all interest loans. “Real estate always goes up!” they shouted. Si I don’t have even an ounce of pity for any of them.

  4. pikel says:

    Those are friend that are worth replacing. Seriously. If they are trying to make you feel guilty, they aren’t really that much of a friend.

  5. debbie says:

    My question is why are you worried about being rude when the other person was so rude? I think part of the problem is everyone tip toes around the subject of money, instead of putting it all out there.

  6. jen says:

    I think this is a wonderful example of how much more people who are frugal have to put up with. We are forced to defend ourselves when we don’t want to spend money and even when we do.

    I find that being frugal takes a lot of energy not in actually being frugal, but in what has to be expended when dealing with other people who don’t understand why I’m being frugal. That is what nobody ever talks about.

  7. Chelle says:

    I wouldn’t feel guilty, either. Maybe you can introduce her to some cheap ways of having fun? Going to parks, free concerts, etc. I have a lot of friends I dont go out with very often because I just don’t like to spend money on things that aren’t neccessary :) There’s lots of fun to have with free stuff too!

  8. poundwise says:

    If the friend is relatively close, or if the person brings up the subject themselves, particularly if they do so multiple times, I think it is perfectly fine to talk with them about finances, in general.

    So, in the case of Mrs. Jones, when she says you choose expensive places and she has to cope with rising prices, adjusting mortgage, etc. you can talk about the choices you’ve made and how your handle your finances. If the other person is receptive, you may can help them deal with their issues and have a better future too.

    This was a good article, by the way. Thanks.

  9. cris says:

    She is not a true friend. A true friend would say “I’ll miss you” and wish you a good time. A true friend does not try to make you feel guilty about their mistakes or problems. And the comment about the kids….honestly, did she really think they came cheap?

    Have a wonderful time on your vacation!

  10. killian says:

    Another perfect example of I deserve it all right now attitude.

  11. Nicole says:

    If you have the money to spend and have a good time do it. If you don’t than get a second income, and or manage your bills better. Only you can change your situation.

  12. SE says:

    Get used to it. Being childfree, you’ll always have more free time and money.

  13. Please don’t ever feel guilty! I used to allow others to make me feel guilty and that affected my own abundance because I felt I didn’t deserve my good while others seemed to be suffering so much. I couldn’t have been more wrong! Have a wonderful time on your vacation!!!

  14. Debbie Roberts says:

    I am going through a similar experience with a friend. She decided she didn’t want to be married any more…no abuse or cheating or anything on either part — she’s just tired of being married. However, they owe big time and trying to get their financial house in order, they had to seek debt counseling and each has been put on a budget to pay down their huge debt. Throughout our friendship she’s always had to buy the bigger, better, or more of everything and has made snotty comments about my frugal ways. Now that she is having to cut back, she expects me to quit buying anything or doing anything because it’s not fair. I really want to say to her that her situation was of her own doing — not an economic downturn or loss of a job — but so far, I’ve kept quiet. But, like many of the posters, I wonder if she truly is a friend or has used my listening ear all these years.

  15. InMyOpinion says:

    You need new “friends”!

  16. consumer_q says:

    Interesting contrast to an article I remember reading on The Simple Dollar. In his case, he reevaluated a friendship with a bedrock of spending money doing things.

    While I sort of agree with many of the statements made in the aritcle, I do think the following is a cop-out:

    1. If someone is trying to make you feel guilty, try not to respond.

    It will likely be more advantageous to express and address the feelings of yours directly, instead of changing the subject. Making the statement “I feel as if you are trying to make me feel guilty,” with the willingness to have a dialogue will allow for better communication, instead of ignoring your feelings.

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