The reality is: there are a whole ton of factors contributing to “I’m wearing this at this moment in this setting.” Some of those factors include “how will this outfit make me feel? how will it make other people feel? how will it serve the physical needs of what I’m about to do? Do I have time to change clothes between my last activity and this one? between this one and the next? Is my ideal outfit clean right now? Am I feeling particularly cheery today? social today? quieter than usual today? fat today?” etc. etc. etc. Unfortunately, all of us prioritize each of these factors differently and differently at different times. Some of us place a lot of importance on how our clothes make others feel. Sometimes it’s “I’d like to make people feel this way” and sometimes this is good (I’d like people at a funeral to not be distracted by my clothes and I’d like them to feel like they I have a listening shoulder to cry on) and sometimes this is not so good (I’d like to deceive people into thinking X about me). Sometimes instead we focus on how the clothes make us feel, and again, sometimes this is good (I like to wear clothes to exercise in which make me feel positive and confident) and sometimes it’s not so good (e.g. when I try to dress in a way that makes me feel better than others; which I should not do). And sometimes I show up at the bank in my garden clothes because I’m just stopping off there between working in the garden and helping a friend move some stuff to storage (i.e. the situational context may be more important than other factors; or the utilitarian context; etc. etc.).

And, every time we make decisions, we can make them with the right motivations and the wrong ones; as we all know. It’s great to have this discussion, and to be thinking about these things, and to see what others are thinking about them. It’s good to be aware of our motivations for what we wear, and the influence they may/not be exerting on other people.

Now if only we can use this knowledge in the right way. Unfortunately, the earlier comment “people dress to look poor.. to feel superior to others” is right more often than we’d like to admit. And the right dress at the right time can open very important doors. Let’s make sure we’re being wise, and not damning ourselves by choosing the wrong priority at the wrong time.

My wife and I were talking about it when another salesperson overheard our conversation and said rudely, “He’s with a customer, he’ll be with you in a minute!” I replied by walking up to him and saying: “I waited for 10 minutes without even being acknowledged.” I then pulled out several hundred dollars in cash, waved it in front of the salesman and 2 other salespeople that he was with and said, “Hopefully he sells those people a lot because he just lost his commission!” and walked out and bought the same stereo for $20 cheaper (and got 3 free CD’s) at a place that had just opened nearby called Best Buy.

This chain had about 10 stores in the Philadelphia area and closed up about a year after this incident. While the emergence of Best Buy and Circult City might have drove them out of business, I’m sure their customer service didn’t help either.

My son just graduated from an out of state school known to have a good program in his major. He’s debt-free and got a job making more than I ever did! Appearances can be deceiving. Quite a few of the children from those other familes had fewer college choices or their kids graduated with a lot of debt. I wouldn’t trade my proud Mama day (my son’s graduation) for all of the fancy clothes and expensive gadgets in the world. And I’m enjoying some fun, though frugal vacations with a lot fewer worries than I’d have if I hadn’t learned to live below my means. I know that there is some luck in every success story but for all of you young families starting out with a frugal outlook, it does pay off.