What is it with the expensive weddings? There’s a 50/50 chance you’ll end up divorced so instead take the money you would have spent and put it in a CD. Then, when and if you make it to your 20th anniversary you’ll have earned enough in interest alone to celebrate in a big way.

I totally agree! Why are so many people wrapped up in what others think or looking wealthy when it really doesn’t matter?
We bought a smaller house and are so happy we did- lower utilities, less furniture to buy to fill it, less home improvement projects. And even though we live away from my family, we hardly ever have overnight visitors either!

Excellent ideas…as a parent who is happy to have kids, I am well..looked down upon should I ever suggest that folk not have kids…don’t get me wrong, I like mine, and if you want em (and will try your best to take care of them) go for it. That is all we have going for us.

But don’t assume it is all roses and tea parties (or football and chips) having kids is HARD, and expensive, and worth it only to those who really really really prefer all the whiny, messy, puky, poopy, drooly smiles and giggles to … well anything else.

BTw I have 1100 sq foot, and overnight company a decent amount…a bit uncomfortable for a day or two, but company is worth it.

That’s maybe not the best advice I’ve heard, and some of it certainly doesn’t sound like wisdom. Besides, you don’t identify what values you do have. I mean, if such and such is not important to you, what IS?

In terms of wealth-building, it’s hard to ignore the opportunity to leverage a mortgage in the US. I can borrow a huge amount of money at a rate adjusted for tax-savings of just 2-3%. Instead of tying up my savings in real estate, I can put it into an IRA and max-out my 401k contributions. I don’t suggest “too much house,” but I would say to look at the terms of debt rather than the size of the investment. I think most people that are “over-extended” have too much debt, not just too much house.

Children: I place one of the highest values on children, but I don’t think they cost that much if you have good health insurance (children do not really need much money, but healthcare providers apparently do). I think people’s impractical expectations about children are what cost them. For example: their desire for costly dare care convenience, and exorbitant gifts of multi-year vacations at university. For me, the greatest financial constraint my children have brought about is through my desire to be with them rather than serving a job that provides greater income. I’m hoping to transition to investment income and a more modest income produced in cooperation with my kids as they become teenagers.

I agree that extravagant weddings are unwise unless they’re paid for by more financially mature family members. My wife and I paid for ours and the modest venue itself was the largest charge (it was a garden), notwithstanding the engagement ring. I agree that an anniversary or child’s wedding is a better occasion for extravagance, but we’re not really socialites so that’s probably not for us.

Vacations: We mostly visit family for now since we’ve small babies. We had a nice honeymoon but most of it was in our new town, and new state

Boats: I live near a world-class and world-famous boating lake. I considered it but declined because my family and small children were unlikely to participate enough to make it worth while. I agree that boats are “a hole in the water into which one throws money.� Instead, I have rented power boats by the hour. A day’s outing for a few hours costs about the same as a monthly payment on the same boat. But I don’t have to pay taxes, store the boat, pay to use the launch, or pay for it during the winter months. I would only buy one if I practically expected to use it more than once a month for many years.

Autos: Here’s where I’ve made the worst purchasing mistakes: I’ve twice bought far more vehicle than what made sense. First I bought a $30K truck with $1200 down. The depreciation was murderous and I traded it in two years later – a very bad move that meant I realized the brunt of the depreciation. I carried over $4k into a new loan on a $45k truck. The loan was only 0.9% interest, but the nearly $900 payments were killer. Depreciation killed the truck the same way… a few years later and it’s only worth about $12k (in extremely good condition). The only redemption here is that it will provide utility for a long time to come (it’s 4×4 with a full size long bed). If I keep it for 30 years, the pain will subside over time. Now (6 years later, I paid it off after 4) that I could actually afford this truck, I seriously doubt I would buy it again. Instead I’d buy an old one for $5k and something for long trips and commuting. An LSV would work for my 2 mile commute, but they’re around $10k and it all goes to depreciation. Depreciation is a real problem on vehicles and I don’t have a good solution except to buy 3 year old vehicles, classic cars, or just eat it.

Single worst mistake overall: Not saving when I was younger. I didn’t really start long-term saving until I was over 30. Before that I would only save up to spend it on something I wanted right away. I made a lot of money in my twenties and blew it all. If I make any more now, it’s not much more and considering inflation it might be nothing more, but I give a tithe to the Lord, my charitable contributions are much higher, and I still keep far more, and at the end of the day my lifestyle is much better.

I guess I am officially an Un-Joneses. The house is “moderate”… did not “plan” on having a child so early in the relationship, wouldn’t change a thing though….you just have to be smart about what you’re going to spend your money on…if you need diapers, buy the diapers and not the $300 purse you were eyeing…vacation? do your research…just a little time on the net can save you a ton of money and you might actually put a vacation together that you’ll enjoy (what a concept)…would never even CONSIDER an expensive wedding…I’m making a lot of the stuff myself and not buying all that crap that noone cares about anyway…..plus, we bought silver rings instead of platinum or gold…we figure, no one will know the difference anyway (saved about 2K)…LIFE IS TOO SHORT - don’t mean to shout but how easily we forget this simple truth.

[…] on, ‘fess up, people, and save the rest of us from repeating your mistakes. In an animated post, “Un-Joneses of the world, speak up!” blogger Meredith H. Kaiser at SavingAdvice.com urges readers to start a national movement to end […]

Can we add expensive children’s birthday party to this list? I went to one where the poor 1-year old was crying the whole time and scared of the pony that was brought in for a cowboy-themed extravaganza.
It’s amazing what we all do for the sake of appearance and what others think

Children ARE expensive! With small children, it’s not so bad as long as you do have good health coverage for them. (But don’t forget the increase in monthly premiums from single or couples coverage to family coverage. And fortunately most insurance now covers well-child and vaccination costs. Mine didn’t.) As they get older, they get more expensive. I don’t buy name brand clothes. My kids have a game system that they pooled their yard-cleaning money for. They don’t hang out at the mall or go to movies every weekend. They do, however, have music lessons, band instruments, sports fees (plus uniforms and equipment), one child wears hearing aids, which are NOT covered by health insurance and are quite expensive. Our high-end dental insurance only covers 50% of orthodontia.

I’m not sure what’s meant by ‘exorbitant gifts of multi-year vacations at university,’ but even with a scholarship to a hometown university and a part-time job, there will be additional expenses that must be paid. And if my child works hard and wins a scholarship to his desired college 1000 miles away, I will assist him with expenses not covered by the scholarship and a part-time job. This simply reinforces what I have been teaching him all his life: Education is important and, if at all possible, do what you love.

I will not pay for a $40,000 wedding and I hope I have instilled enough common sense and values in my children to ensure that they won’t, either.

These are all expenses that practical folks think about when planning their family. You also have to consider the ‘what-ifs.’ What if your child is born or becomes severely handicapped? Health insurance won’t cover everything. In some cases, they disallow all treatment related to a diagnosis, such as hearing impairment or autism.

I don’t think it’s selfish or anti-child to consider the expenses of raising children. It’s actually a very loving thing to do, ensuring that you have the financial means and personal committment to provide for your children. People who aren’t prepared to make the sacrifices shouldn’t have them and their choice should be respected.

quote: “People who aren’t prepared to make the sacrifices shouldn’t have them and their choice should be respected.”

you know owning a boat takes sacrifice…people don’t lose too much respect (outside of rich snobs) for not making those sacrifices…but even suggest that the sacrifice of a kid isn’t worth it and your terrible….

bit twisted that we would encourage someone who is not ready to have a kid, yet often leave them alone about some big ticket item like a boat (which is prolly easier and cheaper!)

Kids. My wife and I don’t have any. We were in disagreement on that in the beginning. It almost caused us to divorce. She wanted them, I didn’t. Now 25 years later, I think we both realize that if we had gone through with it, divorce would have just been the beginning of a catastrophe for us and the kids. Like many of our generation we found ourselves immersed in radical social change that seemed to conflict with responsible child rearing. First, we both needed to work just to afford a house, food, healthcare, and basic necessities of life for ourselves. So, when would there have been time for kids anyway. Second, it wasn’t easy to keep working as employees of companies that were always downsizing, outsourcing, and relocating. To the best of our abilities, we could only achieve 80% employment, which is another way of saying one of us was involuntarily unemployed about 20% of the time. This dynamic and constant uncertainty about our future welfare made having kids or making long term financial commitments of any kind almost impossible without taking on irresponsible risk.

Every generation benefits from the experiences of prior ones, but, also must bear the brunt of frustration when the standards and traditions of prior generations conflict with real social change.

Interestingly enough, my wife and I haven’t totally given up on the idea of child rearing. We know a couple who managed to adopt a child in their 50’s after they took early retirement. It seems to be working out great, since they now have the time, money and wisdom to do it right.

There _are_ people who should not have children — namely, people who are not married, and people in desperate poverty in over-populated 3rd-world countries.

As for the luxuries you miss out on by having kids, your parents, grandparents, and other ancestors all the way back also had this choice. If you don’t believe that having children is worth the sacrifice that your ancestors made to create you, then logically speaking you shouldn’t be here on this earth to enjoy those luxuries, either.

As for keeping up with the Jones’s, instead of trying to keep up with their spending, if you have disposable income then why not try to keep up with (or better) your neighbors’ progress in saving and investing?