The Best Place To Hide Money: Conversation With A Burglar

BurglarI had quite the interesting conversation this weekend with a person who happened to be a former burglar. It was great timing because I was wondering if something like the skid mark underwear for hiding money would really work. I also figured that if you wanted to know the best place to hide your money from a burglar, a former burglar was the person to ask.

I started off simply and was not surprised by the answer to the question “where is the best place to hide your money?”

“At the bank,” he said with a sly grin

When I rephrased and asked where the best place to hide money and valuables in the house would be if you had such items there, I was taken a bit by surprise b


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211 Responses to The Best Place To Hide Money: Conversation With A Burglar

  1. Jordan says:

    Instead of leaving money out in plain sight how about hiding your money really well and buying a small cheap safe and leaving it in the bottom of your closet, locked with a note inside that says “f#$k you”. When the burglar gets to a safe place to open it there is your nice little message and no money.

  2. Robert Carnegie says:

    104: cute, but the burglar can come back any time. Best if he thinks he scored – apparently. And that’s if someone -is- in your house. Mostly, these guys -aren’t- smart. Cowardly and supertitious. Cunning but not thinking. So, y’know, leave the light and a radio on, or something.

  3. Jordan says:

    Well 105 if he’s dumb enough to come back I hope he’s good at catching .40 cal hollowpoints with his teeth because that’s all he’ll get from me.

  4. Robert Carnegie says:

    Well, he managed okay the first time – we’re supposing. Maybe he also found where you keep your gun, and then who’s the sucker?

  5. Jordan says:

    Well not me, because I have a concealed carry permit and it would be hard for him to steal it off of me before I properly introduced him to my best bud Sig p226, and the rest of my guns are in a full size safe with 4 half inch diameter bolts drilled 3 inches into solid concrete and weighing about 300lbs. I would say my chances are pretty good.

  6. Robert Carnegie says:

    If you have a safe that’s different… you keep your valuables in there too, the thief can’t get into it without explosives, he just has to stop -you- getting in. And bring his own piece. (In Scotland that means “sandwich”.)

    If I had to advise him I’d say “Just take the computer and the entertainment centre.”

  7. Ken says:

    Mount a steel box with an open top three inches from the ceiling. Put a sign on the outside that says, “Burglars–I keep my cash here”. Then put your cash in it. If he is desperate enough to reach in there without being about to see in there, he really does need the money more than you do.

  8. Pingback: Hiding Money and Valuables at Home: Tips and Tricks

  9. Robert Carnegie says:

    “Brains! Bra-a-ains!!”

  10. robert says:

    wow,good ideas.but if the robber will look in the child’s room the kid can get hurt.i would not put my child in danger like that.

  11. bill free says:

    I love the skidmark idea! Dirty clothes in general are disgusting.

  12. Pingback: Hiding Valuables « Bits of Pieces

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  14. Bazman says:

    They know where to look for sure.
    Bake a large lasagna and place your valuables underneath it. Then place in the deep freeze.
    The scum will never know if it is just a large frozen lasagna or more. If he does suspect he will have to defrost it as it will be impossible to break without tools and will be forced to carry it risking if stopped why he as a piece of shit has such a thing on him on him. Bake one without valuables too.Then put the valuables in the bank.
    A dog shit booby trap is a good one too. Ruler in draw or box with a turd on.
    Never leave anything of value in the house.How much is an old microwave worth? You can’t give them away!
    The only rule is to make sure the scum get nothing. NOTHING!

  15. Shaw says:

    yo, just want to add some stuff.

    1.dont hide money in the kitchen.
    2.a basement with ceiling tiles that can be romoved is a great spot for cash
    3.dont hide it in electronics, like in the back of a ps2, b/c there going to take it and find a nice surprise in the back.
    4. tap an envelope of money under a drawer, usually the top b/c they start from the bottem up.

    for long term storage, find a dubble walled container, like a pill bottle inside of a bigger bottle, and freeze liquid around in the big container around the smaller container.

    good luck!

    p.s. the best prevention is a security system! or just the sticker by the front door, or a big big dog.

  16. Sebastian says:


    “In a bank”…
    If you live in Argentina… perhaps that’s not a good idea…

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  19. Indycitizen says:

    Just do not check my meat in the freeaer.

  20. TheVanMan says:

    My Mum always kept her valuables in the freezer in the fish finger box. OK until you wanted to wear your frozen jewellery!

  21. Matt says:

    I got $10500 in cash via my business (don’t tell the government)

    I pay a small yearly fee to have it safe and sound in the bank in a safety deposit box.

    If you have ‘serious’ $$$ that keeps rolling in I would suggest the same…. Also helps to avoid impulse purchasing..

  22. JONH says:

    hes a fricken buglar hes going to tell u all that stuff DUH

  23. TruckMaster says:

    The best way not to get things stolen is not to have them in the first place – no problem in the current economic climate!

  24. Ivan says:

    I have a good Security System, a paranoid unemployed roomate lol.

    He happens to stay up all night on his computer with his .45 next to him and goes to bed right before I wake up.

  25. vandealer says:

    I wonder if there are any burglars reading this to help them find people’s money 😛

  26. E.S. says:

    I have a real problem with “ex-burglars” giving tips and that “Thief” TV show. They aren’t interested in helping people out, they are bragging… it’s the same felon bullshit bravado behavior that got them breaking into your house in the first place. Essentially, they’re telling you that they got away with it and now they’re on a TV show or comfortably chatting at the dinner party.

    Honestly, if you’re a 7 time felon, you need have been humanely euthanized after felony number 3. If you’re on TV bragging about your exploits and installing ineffective security systems, you didn’t figure out your lesson and you need to go back to fucking prison.

    There are enough decent human being in the world being born to replace them, I have no time for losers.

  27. Funka! says:

    I don’t know about you people, but if I’ve got extra cash to my name, it’s in my pocket, not sitting around neglected in some drawer. Seriously: ATM -> Pocket -> Spent -> ATM again -> repeat.

  28. American says:

    Tell this guy to roll by my place. Bet my shotgun will wipe that shit eating grin right off his face…

  29. Sachin says:

    ha ha great advice and the first interview I have read of a thief…

  30. Pingback: A Petty Blog » Blog Archive » The Old New Thing : A burglar tells you the best place to hide your money

  31. john says:

    What a joke. I don’t think you ever had a conversation with a burglar. It’s all made up. What’s next a convesation with an assassin?

  32. Linz says:

    We have a gambler (fruit machine) in the kitchen. I think it’s the best place to keep our money. I’d like to see a robber move THAT out of the house. Plus, it’s got a very thick hatch on the front and if jarred open without the key sets off an alarm to burst the ear drums. If you’ve got the room, I suggest getting one. Besides all that it’s a great conversational piece.

  33. KinstonDG says:

    Get old wallet. put “old” keys beside it. lay beside bed.

    took long enough. READ AGAIN

  34. Chris says:

    Yea, My toy Spiderman was killed by a burglar, maybe he was just a DC Fan.

  35. Uly says:

    All you guys talking oh so macho about how any burglar messing with YOU is going to get shot, I have just one question.

    Do you never leave your homes?

    I mean, seriously – are you all sitting around 24/7, locked in your house, getting pasty and scrawny and pathetic?

    Or do you actually have a life, any of you? Ever leave your house? Go to work? Go shopping? Go on vacation? Go to a gun show, I’m thinking?

    These guys don’t want to rob you when you’re *at home*. That’s stupid, even if you’re unarmed. They want to rob you when you’re *gone* – then they can take your money and your guns too!

  36. Simon Morrison says:

    I just always leave my house looking as if it has just been burgled – it hasn’t been – at least I don’t think it has – not sure…

  37. Nick says:

    Interesting read and perspective from the ‘other’ side.

    Perhaps a follow up could be deterents to burglars, ie home security. Simple alarms to state of the art security systems with trip beams and cctv.

  38. Pingback: Top 10 Tricks For Creatively Hiding Your Stuff | Lifehacker Australia

  39. urallidiots says:

    You stupid people
    now that a former burglar told you where to hide ur money, the real burglars now know exactly where to look
    have fun getting all of your money and valuables stolen because u took tips from a burglar to stop burglars

  40. Ben says:

    Comment from the opposite side, a former owner of a security company.

    What he wrote is very true. The ‘typical’ burglar wants in and out in the minimum time. There are exceptions, if they know you have a particular valuable item, such as guns. Or if they know you keep a large amount of cash (to a junkie $50 is a large amount) Then they look until they find it. And can rip out walls in their search.

    They will get in, No alarm will keep them out. It usually takes the cops about 20 minutes or more to get there when an alarm goes off. They will break things, kick in a locked door, shatter a window.

    They will look in the kitchen cabinets, bathroom cabinets, and under the mattress and in your books cd cases and pictures – they break the picture frames.

    Never stash valuables in anything that can be picked up. They just might grab your entire video collection, along with the one with the cash in it.

    I saw lots of recommendations to tape an envelope under a shelf or drawer, they pull out every drawer and dump it upside down. They really do look under shelves.

    If they break in, they are going to trash your place and they are going to take something. The quicker they load up, the less damage. They rarely steal more than they can easily carry.

    Usually the cost of the damage exceeds the value of what was stolen. I saw one burglary where the estimated value of the stolen items was about $300 and the cost of repairing the damage exceeded $3000.

  41. Lazlo Toth says:

    “Always be sure to tip your burglar!”

    Also, be sure to hide your money in your child’s room. Nobody would ever think of it unless they have Internet access and lots of people start telling each other to hide money in their children’s rooms.

    Oh, wait.

  42. trebenaid says:

    Good advice from “Ben” above, the former security guard. Better advice than the original content, in fact!

  43. Michael says:

    When I was a kid, I tore up a corner of carpet in my closet and cut a square into the floor to hire stuff in. Still probably one of the safest places I’ve seen in a house to hide items.

  44. tomas says:

    My great grandparents didnt trust the banks, one hid the money and died. It wasn’t until the home was going to be sold the other found the stash sewn into the curtains, after almost being thrown out.

  45. Marc says:

    Wait isn’t this whole article flawed? Hum… where should i hide my gold bullion so the burgler wont find it… wait i know ill ask one specifically where he always forgets to look

  46. SweetRiver says:

    Very very interesting, I’ve translated this to Chinese and put it on my site here:, which brings me a great deal of traffic.

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