Money & Spouses – What Would You Do?

money and spousesI’ve been reading a blog where the husband is struggling to keep his wife from spending money they don’t have to spend. It finally got to the point where he is hiding money from his wife.

We have tried the counseling but it usually degenerates into screaming matches. Enough is enough. I don’t care to live in a hovel when I get older so it is up to me to save. I will divorce my finances from my wife’s finances if that is necessary. I thought about it before but it is fast becoming a viable option. I intend to consult a lawyer to see how one goes about doing that…

I printed out info on Debit cards and explained to my wife the dangers of using overdraft protection at 21%. I hope she keeps better control of her checking account. In any case she does not have a credit card and the overdraft is limited to 5000. Crazy stuff this!

More recently he posted that he checked his wife’s purse for new credit cards.

I must be losing it. I snuck into my wife’s purse the other night while she was sleeping and checked for any new credit cards. Thankfully there were none…

I know it sounds crazy but spending is every bit a sickness as alcoholism or gambling or drug addiction. I just need to know that I am not getting blind sided…

There actually is a shopping sickness called Oniomania (Compulsive Shopping Disorder) and it can have devastating effects like any other addiction.

What’s your opinion in this situation? If you were in a similar situation (if it is possible to even imagine), how do you think you’d handle it?

This entry was posted in Credit Cards, Debt, Relationships, Shopping. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Money & Spouses – What Would You Do?

  1. Thanks for the link. I checked out the blog pretty quickly. Not going to end well, I’m afraid.

    I dont know how to deal with this, particularly when you love your spouse and you have a kid. Very tough spot.

    I think the best way for that blogger to get ahead is to get his wife on his team. He’ll never be able to secretly scrimp away $20 a week when his wife can run out and do 10k in damage on the cards.

    If they work together, they can solve the problem. If she wont change, and he wont fight the difficult fight to make her change, they will end up bankrupt and divorced.

  2. brcmapgirl says:

    Sounds like there is a real problem here. Lying is a terrible thing to do in a marriage for any reason. I think they need to go back to a counselor and try this again. There is more than money going on here if there are two captains for this boat and their navigation sense has them going in opposite directions.

    Deception equals lack of trust. And what kind of foundation is that for a marriage?

  3. Max says:

    She might be filling a void by conpulsively shopping. That void can be sex-related, or lack thereof. May be they should just re-visit “Debbie Does Dallas” together.

  4. Bellen says:

    Very sad commentary – I wish more couples getting married would go thru some serious financial counseling before marriage. Maybe they would not be in the same place now. There is probably more going on – control issues, lack of self-esteem, etc. Do hope they find the solution and soon.

  5. ~Dawn says:

    If money breaks up so many marriages, then more people should be seeing a financial advisor, before marrying, and not a priest or paster.

    Finances are about understanding plus making it a win/win as much as possible. It looks like both of these people are about what they want and not about understanding.

  6. makingourway says:

    I’m saddened by their tragic situation.
    I think they’ll have a very difficult time with such different philosophies.
    If they can’t align their views I don’t think they’ll have much happiness together.


  7. Frugal Momma says:

    I am sadden by this as well. Money breaks up so many marriages and it is usually do to a lack of communication about money. I have seen several of my friends divorce because of money issues. Maybe the best issue for him is to have his and her accounts. Maybe the wife will get the pciture then.

  8. markio26 says:

    i think only one person in the marriage should handle the finances.. i would buy gift cards and give to her… and allow her only so much for an allowance..

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  10. ScruffyMoo says:

    If your wife doesn’t have a credit card and she only has a limit of 5000 on her overdraft why not limit the overdraft to less. Or why not have all the money going into one account and each have a separate account which a certain percentage of the money is shifted into each month then no one can overspend as you both only have a limited budget. When its gone its gone but you still have the bill money in the combined account which requires 2 signatures to touch.

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